Autumn

I'm not quite sure why Autumn is so distinct. You seem to feel it coming independent of the weather changing. Perhaps it is because it was when I started dating Mike 7 years ago. The knowledge that holidays which bring great times and memories are on their way. Maybe the consistency of the changing seasons speaks something to us of an overall plan. There is just something indescribable about the different colors, perfect temperature, and change that seems to blow in the air... it is certainly one of my favorite moments although fleeting in nature.

This year the world looks a bit different. It is such a gift to be able to step back and thank God that my life is exactly what I want it to be. To be able to enjoy those few magical weeks although I well know that the leaves will fall, the air will turn cold and I will be left wanting for this exact feeling for a few seasons. It is a lesson I have missed before, but hope I will never again. Things are never perfect in this world, but they can be so sweet. That change is as certain as the changing of the seasons, so enjoy today for what it is. And most significantly that there is no reason for sadness because the snow will melt, the air will be warm, and the sun will shine again.

The older I get the cooler I was

I showed some of our friends the video of me punching a girl in water polo the other day. Things like that come back to bite you a little when you realized that not only are you an example to others, but to your little shadows that carry on your name. I read a bumper sticker last week that said it well, "mean people breed little mean people".

Now I don't want to give my young women's leaders the satisfaction of being able to say, "I told you she would mellow out", so know that I am not taking it back; she deserved what she got and we will continue to laugh at the video when the kids are asleep. However I'll give you this... perhaps how cool I was can better serve my boys and maybe someday girls (scary thought) with stories of good choices, how much I love learning truth, or fun that doesn't end in me being banned from a sport. Heaven knows it better be soon because Maximus is almost big enough to pull people's shirts over their heads and punch them.

Nothing Beats a Baby - New Niece!

Reagan Janin Jackman
Very Cute
Congrats Aaron & Sarah

Somethin's just not right with that kid

It seems to be Maxx's challenge to make sure Aaron thinks he is retarded. He has picked up crossing his eyes, putting his shoes on the wrong feet, and saying TREAT YUMMY YUMMY constantly like a goon. His goofball looks and Rufio hair don't help. Anyhow the kicker...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

In the craziness of my Mom's funeral week Maximus had made it to their house with no shoes and was borrowing the 2 sizes too big Elmo watersocks my mom had for the kids. As Aaron was looking out the front windows of the house with my aunts watching him play he said "Ya know there is something just not right about that kid". On queue Maxx picked up a big hand full of rocks and put them into mouth with Aaron banging on the the window... "HEY, DON'T EAT ROCKS!!!"

Mike says, "That's my boy"... I say, yes he is. :)

How I'm Doing

Words don't seem to come easily to me lately, but everyone seems to wonder how I'm doing. Thank you... we appreciate it... we have been spoiled... you rock!
Does that get me off the hook when it comes to thank you notes? Just kidding.

Good. I'm doing good.
Not "well" because that would make sense
Not fantastic because that would put back the piece of me that seems to be missing
At times okay or hanging in there - that is typically Tuesdays because that was the day my Mom watched my kids so I could go to the temple with Mike, the day we usually hung out, walked/talked, and the day she died.
So better than yesterday and hopefully not as well as tomorrow.

Most of the time I am excited for her, that she had a great end to a great life. I know she is excited about all the new experiences, responsibilities, possibilities, freedoms - that is just her. However sometimes I forget that it is the world that makes death seem like an end, like a tragedy, hopeless and alone. It seems poetic that the person most responsible for teaching me that the truth is that it is none of those things is the one I would need it most for.

I believe this change has enabled my mother to multitask, boss me around (I mean encourage :) ), and be there for even more that she was in life (if at all possible). That she now has the time she has always wanted to further the Lord's work while still supporting her family. I have felt her influence, her words, her strength when I need it. Even more lasting I have felt the comfort from a loving God that I know greatly because of her.

Exactly what she is up to is of great interest to me and has sparked a desire to learn even more which is always good. It is interesting that death is so common, but it impacts you so completely. I walk alone now and there is no one to save me from the dogs that will surely eat me. I cry every time I go to call her and tell her about something exciting, frustrating, or funny. I am heartbroken for my Dad - although he is so tough; and makes me a lot of cookies.

Basically it is like this post, or life... a roller coaster with more ups than downs.

Must be Jackmans

My parents got boxing gloves for the kids for Christmas. In their defense they also got a punching bag; needless to say that didn't last long. Maybe not one of their best ideas, but awfully entertaining.






















For the record this is my son beating the snot out of Aaron's... ironic isn't it.

Brothers huh

I have one brother. Aaron is the type that does everything better than everyone else, it makes you want to beat him up; but if you are going to try you better know how to run fast and lock the bathroom door. :)

Aaron and I have a love/hate relationship I love him and he just hates it. Just kidding - although honestly read this fast because he is probably making me take it down right now.
He drove me to West each day on his bike. He (and Em) wrote my name huge on the butt of all my underwear for camp so that "even if I was found face-down in a ditch they would know who I was". I am the official tester of all homemade tree elevators and wrestling moves. He even employed me to reload shotgun shells (was it a penny/shell?)... man where would I be without him? :)


No, Aaron is always a great example; he is fearless yet kind, fun, and has that Jackman perfect mix of poetry and meanness that keeps everything real.

He saved my butt with a piggy back ride when we had pushed my parents too far by fighting in the car and they made us walk home...
When he called home from his mission and I was sick of feeling different with "Claar, we're Jackmans we not supposed to fit in"...

At my wedding when he hugged me and told me how proud he was of me...

When I've needed sprinklers, help making it though taking care of Grandma, or this week when I needed my car brought back from the dead.

We all know that lollipops, sunshine, and flowers is not going to happen when Jackmans get together so here it is ... thanks man, I love you.

-Claar