Words don't seem to come easily to me lately, but everyone seems to wonder how I'm doing. Thank you... we appreciate it... we have been spoiled... you rock!
Does that get me off the hook when it comes to thank you notes? Just kidding.
Good. I'm doing good.
Not "well" because that would make sense
Not fantastic because that would put back the piece of me that seems to be missing
At times okay or hanging in there - that is typically Tuesdays because that was the day my Mom watched my kids so I could go to the temple with Mike, the day we usually hung out, walked/talked, and the day she died.
So better than yesterday and hopefully not as well as tomorrow.
Most of the time I am excited for her, that she had a great end to a great life. I know she is excited about all the new experiences, responsibilities, possibilities, freedoms - that is just her. However sometimes I forget that it is the world that makes death seem like an end, like a tragedy, hopeless and alone. It seems poetic that the person most responsible for teaching me that the truth is that it is none of those things is the one I would need it most for.
I believe this change has enabled my mother to multitask, boss me around (I mean encourage :) ), and be there for even more that she was in life (if at all possible). That she now has the time she has always wanted to further the Lord's work while still supporting her family. I have felt her influence, her words, her strength when I need it. Even more lasting I have felt the comfort from a loving God that I know greatly because of her.
Exactly what she is up to is of great interest to me and has sparked a desire to learn even more which is always good. It is interesting that death is so common, but it impacts you so completely. I walk alone now and there is no one to save me from the dogs that will surely eat me. I cry every time I go to call her and tell her about something exciting, frustrating, or funny. I am heartbroken for my Dad - although he is so tough; and makes me a lot of cookies.
Basically it is like this post, or life... a roller coaster with more ups than downs.
